Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
