I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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