U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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