my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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