i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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