Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
