Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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