i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
