Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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