I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
