I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
