this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
