how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
