so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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