i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize