My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
