Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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