I looked at my own cervix.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
