I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
