You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
