I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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