Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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