We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
