i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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