i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
