This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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