He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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