Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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