my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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