I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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