im about as happy as oj after his trial
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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