I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
