Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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