New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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