I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize