and you said cock pushups were impossible
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
