If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
