Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
