I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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