Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
