Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
