I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
