bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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