does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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