I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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