She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
