I think i peed on brittanys purse
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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