He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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