So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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