I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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