I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
