mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize