My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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