Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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