Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
