So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
