remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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