If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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