I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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