eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
