I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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