ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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