i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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