the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
