I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
