i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
