You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
