for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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