I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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