Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
