and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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