Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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