I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I supernannyed him into submission
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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